Doctor Who and the Race to Save Mankind From Themselves and Others

New Doctor Who costume

Turns out my DVR gets a bit temperamental when it’s being overworked. And then it refuses to record Doctor Who for you. So you have to figure out when the Space Channel is actually going to re-air the episode you missed all the while it keeps telling you “recording space is low” but when you go to watch the Daily Show it will only play one minute and then withhold the other 29 as some sort of punishment. I digress. The point is I’ve finally been able to see the last two episodes of Doctor Who before this weekend’s finale.  Shall we begin?  Okay then.

“In the Forest of the Night”

  • Taking a wild guess here but I think we’re going for a Little Red Riding Hood theme.
  • My, what a big T.A.R.D.I.S. you have, Grandpa.
  • What’s with the intensely jarring fish eye hand-held camera work? 
  • She does have a surprisingly round face, doesn’t she? Like a doll.
  • I’m guessing this is shocking because there aren’t forests in the middle of London? Unlike Vancouver’s Stanley Park, which is one of my favourite places in the world.
  • Was Trafalgar a person? Or is it like Piccadilly Circus, which is not a circus at all? Oh weird British names, I’ll never get used to you.
  • Taxidermy is a super fucked up thing we do to animals.
  • They’re camping at the zoo?  How… awesome! Imagine a giraffe wake-up call? The best!
  • I can’t get over how British kids call their teachers Sir & Miss. Way too polite.
  • How you doin’ Mr. Pink… New idea, let’s do away with Clara and just have Mr. Pink and the Doc hang out places. Maybe see a rugby game. 
  • Oyster cards?
  • How does Clara look so fresh after sleeping in a museum? No one wakes up like that. Even Beyoncé is throwing her side eye.
  • People shout when they’re in love. Oh broken children of the future, I weep for you.
  • Speaking of London, I’m really in love with those white row homes with black gates. As soon as I win the lottery I’m getting myself one. Have you seen Hyde Park Gardens? Ab Fab sweetie darling.
  • Clara is really a terrible teacher.
  • Cobra? The city of London is run by the nemesis of GI Joe? Twist!
  • Lighting the city on fire seems like a massively stupid thing to do. Dangerous and ecologically reckless. Good job, humans.
  • HA! Tree Facebook. I love my Capaldi with snark and wit. Also the rants about humanity are top notch.
  • So it’s the little girl’s fault, right? She made a wish or something? That’s what we’re meant to think.
  • “Not everything can be fixed with a screwdriver, it’s not a magic wand.” – looks like someone’s been reading my column! (not likely, but one can dream)
  • Stop treating Mr. Pink like shit, Clara.
  • “The forest is mankind’s nightmare.” WHOA.
  • Burn proof trees, that’s a great idea! Good work crazy nature!
  • There’s a pack of wolves in the London Zoo? For real? That also seems like a terrible idea.
  • It’s like the wolf in the wall in the Neverending Story! God that terrified me as a child. Side note: filmed in Vancouver!
  • HOLY TIGER. What a gorgeous beast. Did you know a hundred years ago there were 100,000 tigers and now there are only about 3,200 left on earth? Isn’t that awful? And completely humanity’s fault by the way. Check out for more information.
  • “I don’t want to see more things, I want to see the things that are in front of me more clearly.” Mr. Pink you sweet talking philosopher, you. Come here to me.
  • Getting a bit tired of the Steampunk Devil Lady tease, get on with it already.

“Dark Water”

  • I just called to say ‘Shut up’? Oh I bet she’s pregnant. Is that how they’re going to write her off the show? Because I will be seriously disappointed if it’s something so weak and frankly sexist.
  • What did he like walk into traffic or something?
  • OH GOD. NO! HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS YOU STUPID STUPID SHOW. This had better be one of those ‘no no don’t worry we’re just kidding’ bits. Or just use the T.A.R.D.I.S. to fix it or I will be so mad at you.
  • You do deserve better, Clara. We all do.
  • Not really sure what the klepto key bit is helping.
  • Finally a Clara I can get behind! Manic rule breaker revenge seeking throw it in the flames of hell Clara!
  • Sigh. Of course it was too good to be true.
  • Chris Addison! Love him. Such a Mock the Week addict. Though judging from the fact that instant coffee was even mentioned I’m guessing we’re not in heaven. Paperwork. And condescension. So we’re in hell then.
  • Creepiest retirement home ever.
  • Finally. It’s Steampunk Devil Lady. Although for some reason she’s borrowed Mary Poppins’ wardrobe.
  • I feel dirty just having seen that.
  • Doctor Who! He said it! He finally said it! Everybody take a shot!
  • “You have iPads in the afterlife.” “We have Steve Jobs.”
  • Facing the people you killed? Rough.
  • Suddenly donating my body to science seems a bit of a bad idea. As does cremation.
  • Phones work in space why wouldn’t they work after death. Sure, let’s go with that.
  • I feel like those eyeball doors should give it away but only if you’re familiar with the show. That was definitely a dramatic irony moment I missed out on.
  • Yeah. I am so lost.
  • So… this is all about a scorned lover? Seriously?
  • And there we have it folks, what is possibly the final Scottish joke of the season.
  • I feel nothing. Except for Mr. Pink. Casting Directors everywhere take note, Mr. Pink (Samuel Anderson) is great, put him in more things right away please. But this Mister Master Mistress Missy? Nada. Zip.


Be sure to catch the season finale of Doctor Who on Space this Saturday at 6 pm PST!  I’ll be wrapping up my experiment with that episode, so be sure to check back for that next week.  If you’ve missed any previous recaps here you go…

  1. Doctor Who Does What? In The Where? Or Is It When?
  2. Doctor Who Episode 2: Robotic Bugaboo
  3. Doctor Who: Men In Tights
  4. Doctor Who and the Nightmarish First Date
  5. Doctor Who: The Intergalactic Job
  6. Doctor Who and the Case of Dramatic Irony
  7. Doctor Who: Dark Side of the Moon
  8. Doctor Who Has Mummy Issues
  9. Doctor Who and the Dali Dilemma