We all knew it had to end sometime. In my case the end came ten days late. Mostly because I was busy doing other things and just couldn’t get around to mustering up the right mood to watch it. So the Doctor sat on my DVR for a while. I did watch the entire seventh season (so far) of Sons of Anarchy. But I hate endings. I still have the season one finale of Remedy and the series finale of the Office to watch. What can I say, I hate goodbyes.
That said, I did sit down to my last Doctor’s appointment this week, here’s how that went…
- Oh yeah, robots, that’s where we left off.
- I’m going to try to refrain from making C3PO references mostly because I can’t afford to piss off another nerd base, so I’ll probably be using Wizard of Oz Tin Man ones instead. I can take the musical theatre geeks.
- So the Tin Man has Dorothy trapped and suddenly she’s spouting Sun Tzu? Sure.
- “You are unimportant.” (ahem)
- “That is what everybody thinks.” Ah, so we’re talking directly to the viewers then. Is that what the kids are calling “meta” these days?
- My eyes just rolled so hard I had to blink it off.
- I will say this about Doctor Who… great intro music.
- Silver Men? That’s the name they came up with? Someone really phoned that in on a bank holiday weekend.
- Oh… she giggled at Glasgow. A final nod to Capaldi.
- Well. That’s convenient. The UK has a Fringe Division.
- So they’re like the Rocketeer? Yawn.
- Alien robots flying out of St. Paul’s? What would Her Majesty the Queen say? Oh and now they’re making it a T.A.R.D.I.S.? Well I can see why this isn’t the Christmas special.
- Thank god, Mr. Pink. Undo another button, teach.
- The Cloud? They’re IN. THE. CLOUD. It’s the nightmare scenario technology that just keeps giving.
- The human race will not cease to exist in 24 hours. Of course it won’t. Just another empty threat. The Doctor never dies. The magic screwdriver fixes everything. The PA is unimportant. And when in doubt go back in time.
- Speaking of floods with dead bodies, have you been watching The Walking Dead?
- I’m a human reincarnated as a robot alien… let me get that paperwork for you.
- Oh yeah… Clara. Forgot about her. (To be clear, the actress is lovely and she does her job well… I’m being critical of the writing of her character.)
- Did that plane say U.N.I.T.? Holy lazy acronym. Might as well be S.H.I.E.L.D.
- So the Doctor has just become what… President of Earth? An egomaniac with low emotional intelligence given supreme power over who lives and dies… What could possibly go wrong.
- He has little crowns on his epaulets!
- Oh… we’re going to spell out that he’s President of Earth? Was that not clear? Excuse me, I need a coffee refill. Also, how much sugar can one put in tea?
- Aww… Mr. Pink Robot! Don’t cry Tin Man, you’ll rust!
- Oh shit. I guess you went with another stage of grief.
- Just in case you’re really thick his name is also written on a PINK sheet of paper.
- The Master reminds me of Severus Snape’s vengeful lover.
- The bow-tie wearing glasses-clad lab tech has an inhaler. But she’s female, so stereotypes officially shattered then, hey?
- Fun fact: the Space channel cut from the Master’s handcuffs straight to an Orphan Black ad that starts with handcuffs and I was SO CONFUSED. But then there was an ad for The Fall, which I have to say might be the best TV show I’ve seen in years. Watch it.
- The public is advised to stay away from cemeteries so of course that’s where Clara is. I wonder if that’s a real place or if they’ve CGI’d it to go on that far.
- “Cyber men who can recruit corpses.” : the insanity of the show in a nutshell.
- If we know anything from this show it’s that when you detain a time lord they will do something to get free and make you regret it.
- Did we just pull a Cinderella on the scientist? Tell a girl she’s pretty and to have more confidence? So many feminist retorts, so little space-time.
- Did she always have a Scottish accent? I could have sworn it was different before.
- Oh stupid stupid Clara. Finally telling Mr. Pink the truth when you can’t recognize him. Just like you didn’t recognize the Doctor when he got old.
- Please, Clara, keep digging yourself a bigger hole. You so did not deserve Mr. Pink. So, if there are humans inside the Tin Men, does that mean they’re anatomically correct? OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIS FACE?!
- Why are they not just loading everyone into the T.A.R.D.I.S. and whooshing off the plane?
- And now we’re insulting Belgium? Shit, writers, is there anyone you don’t have beef with?
- Let’s all appreciate the Master for zapping Chris Addison when he got too camp. If only Dara O’Briain had that device.
- “The cure for the pain is in the pain.” – Rumi, 13th century.
- This is ridiculous. How am I supposed to feel sympathy for them when they have a time machine and could just go back and stop Missy? Or hey even stop Danny from walking into traffic.
- Oh hey Satanic Mary Poppins.
- Get on with it, I’m running out of coffee.
- Or do a bunch of flashbacks from the season to drive home your point. Go on then.
- So this is why the math teacher was a soldier.
- But if Mr. Pink dies then how does his great great grandson become a time astronaut?
- But how will people know the Earth is safe? Hmm. Good point. Stock photo of the Sydney Opera House? That’ll work!
- Look at the flowers, Missy. Just look at the flowers.
- Ten more minutes? Chop chop!
- Sigh. Mr. Pink. Dreamboat even in death.
- So, the Doctor’s breaking up with Clara too? And totally lying to her in the process. And she’s lying back. Well, if you’re going to ruin your life at least you’re doing it in a cute sweater.
- “Never trust a hug, it’s just a way to hide your face.” So true.
- Wait… the phone is on the outside?! You don’t open the door and walk in to make a call, it just has a tiny trap door?
- Uh… Santa?
Well kids… it’s been an interesting ride, but the time has come to say goodbye to the Doctor Who experiment. I went into the whole thing not having any idea what I was going to be in for week to week. As time went on I came to understand that feeling doesn’t go away. You’re never quite sure what to expect. There will be a Doctor, some people who help, a bad thing that never happens, a distraction from the goal, and the occasional Scottish joke. And the magic screwdriver. To be honest, I’m not sure it’s my overly sugared cup of tea.
What I will say is that the fans have been incredibly patient and polite. No matter how many times my comments unintentionally trampled all over their fandom not once did anyone have a mean comment to make. In fact more often than not they apologized for the show they love so much. They suggested I might be interested in seeing other Doctor/Helper combos. They kindly tried to educate me as to the names of things but never pushed too hard.
If there is one takeaway from my experiment in dabbling in Who it’s that the reason the show is so special is because of the fans. I could sense when I was watching it there were things I wasn’t getting because I wasn’t a Whovian. The case could be made that insular entertainment does nothing to attract new people to join. Thankfully the fans of the show are so generous with the strange little thing they love that isn’t the case and the creators can get on with their giggly inside jokes.
But much like Clara, it’s time for me to move on. And neither of us get to be with Mr. Pink.
I hope you’ve enjoyed the experiment. If you have any suggestions of other fandoms I should crash, please leave it in the comment section.