E3 2014: Ubisoft Conference LiveBlog

Posted by Simon on June 09, 2014
Live Blog, News


HEY YOU. Do you like Assassinating some Creed? Do you like Watching some Dogs? Do you enjoy the odd bit of Far Crying? You do? You’re in the right place. It’s time for Ubisoft’s E3 conference!

No need to refresh, just sit back and try to work out which game is being far too early this year. Let’s go!

Simon 9 June 201415:01

Hello! I hope you’re all fed and watered. Time for Ubisoft.

Simon 9 June 201415:01

First off looks to be a Far Cry 4 trailer.

Simon 9 June 201415:02

You’re in a jeep, just like the beginning of Far Cry 2, but this time ascending up a mountain side.

Simon 9 June 201415:02

Aaaand everyone’s dead.

Simon 9 June 201415:04

The border guards’ boss has turned up in his own choppah and is not happy.

Simon 9 June 201415:06

Apparently he wants me to go to his pants party. Or something.

Simon 9 June 201415:07

Far Cry 4, out November 18th. Set in the Himalayas, openworld and ready for all the chaos you wish to create.

Simon 9 June 201415:09

Well, it’s 3pm, and I’m pretty glad my kid isn’t around to watch this. He doesn’t need to see anyone violently stabbed in the neck, or learn the word FUCK (two separate opportunities). This isn’t an evening adult show, Ubisoft.

Simon 9 June 201415:11

Saying that, I really like Aisha Taylor as host, but it’s a shame that has has to once again justify why she’s there.

Simon 9 June 201415:12

Oh, and now it’s a colourful dancing bit with Pharrell’s song doing the business, so those kids who watched the first five minutes don’t have nightmares for the next week.

Simon 9 June 201415:12

So, yeah, a new way to play Just Dance. Without actually buying it?

Simon 9 June 201415:14

just Dance Now. It’s a smartphone app that links to a wifi enabled smart TV. Anyone with a phone can pay on single screen.

Simon 9 June 201415:15

Lots of people dancing to Lady Gaga to prove this point. Placed dancers in the audience joining in trying to make it like a flash mob. It’s all a bit embarrassing frankly.

Simon 9 June 201415:16

Apparently everyone is scored. Lots of simultaneous players, if that’s your thing.

Simon 9 June 201415:17

On to The Division again. I wonder what else they’ll show us after the Xbox gameplay demo.

Simon 9 June 201415:17

The guy is telling us the story like it s REALLY FUCKING SERIOUS and not a shitty video game script

Simon 9 June 201415:18

Gravelling voiced narrator telling us how the virus started over timelapse city footage.

Simon 9 June 201415:19

The timelapse breakdown of the city is very cool, actually.

Simon 9 June 201415:21

So it seems like you and your squad are trying to slowly break down the gangs and bring order back to the city.

Simon 9 June 201415:26

So the Mac has just gone crazy so I’ve had to shift around my setup. Back now. They’re talking about The Crew, a driving MMO that I honesty thought was dead.

Simon 9 June 201415:27

Apparently the trailer showed one of a the TWO HOUR missions across Miami. Hey, guess which driving game I’m never going to play.

Simon 9 June 201415:28

The Crew will be out November 11th – PS4, Xbox One, PC.

Simon 9 June 201415:28

You can’t drive into the past. Sheesh.

Simon 9 June 201415:29

Yep, Assassin’s Creed Unity now. Creative director here to tell us why we should buy yet another one of these games.

Simon 9 June 201415:29

CGI trailer. Always the best part!

Simon 9 June 201415:30

We’re in revolutionary Paris. There’d better be a “he lost his head” joke in there somewhere.

Simon 9 June 201415:32

Amazingly impressive (and expensive) scene of the four assassins working together to take down a crowd of guards, but it’s in no way representative of actually playing the game, so…

Simon 9 June 201415:33

Arnaud is the main assassin, but they’re once again reminding you that it’s four player co-op.

Simon 9 June 201415:35

So…Arnaud, the assassin in Paris, with a French name, has a proper English accent. Because Europe, I guess.

Simon 9 June 201415:35

Live gameplay demo now played by one of the main game designers.

Simon 9 June 201415:37

Lots on screen, loads of NPCs, but it plays exactly like all the other ones. Not sure same-but-shiny is good enough any more, not for this franchise anyway.

Simon 9 June 201415:38


Simon 9 June 201415:39

If this sounds familiar to you, then you’ve played an Assassin’s Creed game.

Simon 9 June 201415:40

Um…everyone has an English accent. That’s just plain weird.

Simon 9 June 201415:41

But they do throw in random French words, like “merci”. You know, for authenticity.

Simon 9 June 201415:42

And that’s it. Sorry for the cynicism, but nothing brings it out like Assassin’s Creed.

Simon 9 June 201415:43

Ironically, there’s now a guy with a real French accent introducing Shape Up, a fitness game. I see this going well.

Simon 9 June 201415:45

So…it seems like it uses some trick from DDR to make you stamp your avatar onto a series of rising notes. Drunk fun, definitely.

Simon 9 June 201415:47

Now there’s more French-accented Ubisofters to demonstrate the MP aspect.

Simon 9 June 201415:47

They are in a push-up battle, and the screen superimposes large objects on their backs.

Simon 9 June 201415:48

I like the ridiculous arcadey graphics. Fun.

Simon 9 June 201415:49

Valiant Hearts now. A WW1 puzzle adventure that genuinely looks wonderful.

Simon 9 June 201415:50


Simon 9 June 201415:50

(It’s not listening)

Simon 9 June 201415:52

Gah, Mac stream working, PC not. Valiant Hearts has soldiers trying to survive with their dog. More on that soon.

Simon 9 June 201415:53

Big boss on stage now, to show us something new.

Simon 9 June 201415:53

I wonder what it is.

Simon 9 June 201415:56

A group of marines scoping out a hostage situation in a house. Rainbow Six?

Simon 9 June 201415:57

Two teams are fighting over a hostage and we’re getting updates as to who’s got her. Which means this is a multiplayer experience, probably.

Simon 9 June 201415:58

Drones going under the doors to scope out the enemies.

Simon 9 June 201415:59

Looks like the walls are destructible, giving you a wide variety of assault options.

Simon 9 June 201416:00

Just like The Division, there’s a VO that would be wonderful if it was part of the game. But it won’t be.

Simon 9 June 201416:01

Yeah, it’s Rainbow Six. Looks pretty tight, if that’s your thing.

Simon 9 June 201416:03

They’re pushing Rainbow Six as their Watch Dogs for this year. It’s not, but it does look pretty good.

Matthew 9 June 201416:05

I think the assassin in AssCreedTheFourth should have a harsh quebec accent.

Matthew 9 June 201416:05

“Hon Hon Hon, I am going to Azzazinate yew sil vous plait.”

Simon 9 June 201416:06

And that’s it for Ubisoft. Some interesting tidbits but nothing that’s going to keep people talking in a week. I can’t believe how sleepy I feel just looking at a new Assassin’s Creed, but there’s no stopping them now. Hey, at least they didn’t announce a Watch Dogs sequel. See you at 6pm for Sony!

Simon 9 June 201416:07

“Bonour! Je suis L’Assassin…et la est mon SPIKY K-NIFE”

Simon 9 June 201416:08

La piscine est dans la gare.

Matthew 9 June 201416:08

I would play the shit out of that game, French Revolutionary Assassin with a Monty Python style French Accent.

Simon 9 June 201416:09

I’m more excited by that than anything else from the last few hours.

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